# "Is there anything left to salvage?" Hi Fan, Creator Men..

# "Is there anything left to salvage?"

Hi Fan, Creator

Men and Women regularly email me this cry for help.

Looking for a last straw.

Men and women who really do their best and who will do anything to make their (sexual) relationship a success.

Partners who understand their husband/wife, who want to help him/her and are happy to accommodate.

Men and women who are also frustrated and desperate.

They are ready for almost anything, as long as it produces (more) sex. And blame them.

Why am I writing this so flat?

Because these men and women connect with themselves by having sex.

They don't want to have their husband/wife.

Though that sounds harsh

They want to have sex.
So that they can feel connected.
Connection with themselves, preferably with their partner and with their soul.

I am not saying that as a man/woman you should lie down ready, so that he/she can make contact with his soul.

We don't over-spiritualize.

I know that as a wife/husband of this partner you are deeply hurt

That you have gone too far (unconsciously) over your limits. That he/she has crossed your boundaries too often.

Even the most loving men/women go (unconsciously) across borders in pursuit of sex

Trust your boundaries, they protect you. And know that they are not always clear. Not for him/her and not for you.

If a limit is crossed, you always judge it from within yourself.

Some limits  are obvious, but others are not.

Moreover, misunderstandings easily arise, also about borders. Even if you think you state them very clearly. And even if the other person wants to stick to it.

The good news is, you're both right

The bad news is: you won't get closer to each other because of this. Being right (wanting to) does not ensure connection.

Because you can always deal with situations in relationships in two ways.

Suppose you indicate as a woman that you may want sex, but that you first need relaxation. For many women a condition (i.e. a limit) to be able to open up to (penetration) sex.

He fully understands that need and acknowledges it by, for example, leaving her alone. Because rest gives him relaxation.

However, she feels (half) abandoned, because she relaxes better with, for example, small talk and a few jokes.

In this way she feels heard and she can rid herself of the responsibility of daily life, so that her body relaxes more easily and opens slowly.

But because she doesn't feel heard at all because of his silence, that's not the case. In fact, there is a good chance that she will ask him accusingly why he never even understands what she means on his own.

Gone chance of sex

And so connection.

Relationships are not broken by having or not having sex. They are destroyed by (mis)communication.

Sex is the condensed version of your daily life, exposing everything.

All your feelings and needs are only really felt when it comes to sex. You pour all your complaints, frustrations, despair, disappointments, criticism, demands and unsolicited advice over that other person.

In fact, that is overdue maintenance

You haven't been yourself in your relationship for too long and sacrificed yourself for too long. For example, by asking for sex as little as possible. Or by giving it when you don't need it.

Sex is not a medium of exchange. Sex is something magical.

Good sex is something sacred🦄🌟🌈

It provides connection🤝, love 💘 and pleasure💞.

That is also available to you. Do you want to know how to do that?